Bwana awe nanyi!

Jobless? Start a Church

I was talking to a young lad and he was busy complaining of lack of jobs around. “Try clearing and forwarding.” I suggested helpfully.
“I can’t sir. I am not a member of the ruling party NEC. Neither do I belong to the CCM itself.” He complained.

“Ok. Why don’t you seek a job in some bank, or something?” I said.
“I would sir. But my father is not a highly placed official in the government. He is a peasant.”

“Okay. Try logging, my boy. It’s a good business.You simply cut trees and export them to Thailand and China. There is money there.”

“Mzee, But I don’t know the director of forestry.” The eager young man replied.

I looked at him thoughtfully. Obviously the lad needed help. He did not have his father’s coat tails to hang on. He was just alone, and he needed a job. Society was on the verge of making another gangster. That’s what jobless teens turn to. Most girls and boys turn to prostitution.

Then it came to me. “Look young man, why don’t you start a Church? There is good dough in churches. Something like Church enterprises. There is good dosh. It is tax free and TRA doesn’t bother you.”

“How do I do that sir?” he enquired anxiously.

“First give yourself a rank. Call yourself something like ‘Reverend’ Then you start preaching that you can cure anything – AIDS, you can make cripples walk, you can bring the dead back to life. Tell whoever will listen to you that you can raise the dead. They wake up from their graves and start dancing the rumba, or something.”

“Will they believe that sir?”

“Of course. Just believe in your lies and they will believe in whatever song you sing. Then after two months promote yourself to archbishop and say Haleluhya everytime.”

“But sir, will they buy that?”

“Of course. Never forget that there is a sucker born every minute in this world. They will believe whatever you say. It is good business, the, religion business.”

“Thanks sir. I think I will start a church.”
“Do that, my lad. You want me to suggest a name for your church?”
“Yessir!”

“Okay. Call it the Full Nondo Gospel Church. It pays. Just don’t forget to Haleluhya a lot. And when you get a crowd of worshippers announce that you will run for parliament”

“How so?”

“By that time you will have all those titles. You could call yourself prophet. So your name will be Dr. Prophet Nicodemus (MP) of the Full Nondo Gospel Church!”
“Sounds great, sir.”
“Go for it, young man!”