Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Africa’s new crop of deadly clowns

It started with Zimbabwe’s dictator, Bob Mugabe. After ruling Zim since independence in 1980 Mzee Bob got a taste of power, loved it and decided to keep it.

Over decades the people of Zim got tired if him. They voted him out. But since he controlled the instruments of power and state muscle (army, police and party thugs) Mzee Bob decided to stay put. He thumbed his nose at his people and millions of Zimbabweans have now voted with their feet and fled the country.

Zimbabwe is run by Mzee Terror, his wife and cronies company limited. Ironically the people of Zimbabwe fought and died for freedom and independence in the chimurenga war of liberation. The liberators have turned into a terrorists.

Mzee Bob has been forced into a hated power-sharing form of government with opposition leader Morgan Tvangirai. This wa after the mzee clearly lost the elections. But he would have none of it

Enter Mwai Kibaki of Kenya. He too, had a taste of power and decided that no one else looked pretty being president of Kenya, except himself. So when the Kenyans voted him out, he decided that they were out of their minds. So he fiddled with the figures and crudely stole the elections. This was with a lot of help from the Kenyan electoral bodies appointed by Mzee Mwai himself.

The Kenyans told him to stuff it and decided to fight. More than 1500 Kenyan souls died in the mayhem until Mzee Kibaki agreed to common sense. He was forced o share power with the real winner, Raila Odinga of the Orange Democratic Movement (ODM). And Kenya now even has a new constitution.

Just when we are about to relax we hear there is another clown in Cote D’Ivoire. Monsieur Laurent Gbagbo, who has been ruling have the country for the past 10 years, has also taken a taste for power. Last week he got soundly clobbered by his opponent, Alassane Ouattara. Now war drums are sounding out all over the country. There is a smell of blood all over.

I was just wondering – is that it? Is this a new trend in our continent? In the post-independence 60s Africa had crude and brutal coups and a way to change power. Lately we have decided butchering each other as a way of sustaining power is too crude for almost everybody. Now we are having the blatant stealing of polls.

If you lose? Well, you stick around forcefully. You are wearing the guns. You have the murderous thugs on your payroll. You have the muscles. That, in common language, is called dictatorship. Is that the new trend in Africa?

Do people have to be pushed around until, in desperation, they decide to go for their pangas and stones and butcher each other? Because one can see it coming. Former President of Sausi, Thabo Mbeki has tried to talk sense to the two Ivorian leaders, but both sides seem to be adamant. Both have appointed and sworn-in their governments.

Looking at all those instances and you will find no noble ideal for the good of their people. In all cases it is all because of naked greed in all the three cases I have mentioned above. It is all about who does the eating.

One wonders – is Bongo next? Is that the shape of things to come or are we also going to opt for governments of ‘national reconciliation? I can see it being experimented in Zenj. Will it work?

Saturday, December 4, 2010

We demand a new constitution now!

Maybe she was being starry-eyed after being sworn-in as a new cabinet officer in the ministry of constitutional affairs last week. The brand new minister, Celina Kombani rejected the need for to overhaul the Tanzanian constitution branding the call for it “pedestrian.”

Privately I doubt if she lives in such a cloud-cuckoo land not know the overwhelming call for a new constitution. I gather she said that such talk is “pedestrian” which I wonder if the reporter wanted to equate with the Kiswahili – maneno ya mtaani.

“Let them come with something concrete in writing, showing which sections (of the constitution) have problems, why and suggest the alternative. The government should not be forced to respond to these sensitive issues through reading newspapers.”

Do I detect am tinge of pooh-poohinh of newspapers and the media in Aunt
Celina’s dismissal? Because I suspect that her ladyship is implying that
what is read in the papers ought not to be trusted or taken into serious
consideration. Only those words uttered in official circles are ‘serious’ and intelligents while the rest of us are bull-shitting! Only they can think and have the monopoly of brains.

If there was no need form constitutional review and reform why did the Prez, Jack Mrisho himself, think that the heavyweight issued merited a whole ministry? He should have made her a minister for something else.

Strange. For, at the same time opposition MP for Wawi, Hamad Rashid
Mohammed of the Civic United Front (CUF) has cautioned against the now
tired tactic of government pussy-footing to escape from responsibility.

Mr. Hamad said that his party has filed more than three letters to the
Government talks over constitutional changes nothing has been done: “Who
does not know the long cry of having a new constitution, we wrote a letter to
President Kikwete when he took over the office in 2005, and likewise to
former President Benjamin Mkapa but nothing has been done.” He said
That the ninth parliament he prepared private motion but was not given
a chance either.

Academics, politicians and the public at large have been clamoring and
calling for a review of constitution and everyone knows that – except Aunt
Celina. She thinks all that is “pedestrian.”

Which makes one wonder – was there a need for a whole ministry of
constitutional affairs? If so – then what is her job description then?
Maybe to tell Tanzanians that there is no need for a new constitution. So we got ourselves a brand new ministry of constitution affairs to tell us that we don’t need a new constitution! No wonder we have a bloated cabinet.

I hear that the minister cautioned that if not handled properly, it could
plunge the nation into serious problems.

Indeed. Dismissal and pooh-poohing of such matters of national importance
as “pedestrian” does not bode well for Bongo. Or, maybe Aunt Kombani
was a bit excited and loudly thinking with her mouth.

The minister further claimed that the craving for a full review of the
constitution was not in the interest of citizens and the government. It
reminds me of statements I used to read during the cold ideological wars between eastern European and capitalist countries,
of the 50s and 60s. Then you got those statements from the ministry of

Today, I would wish that politicians should check their gearing systems,
before engaging their mouths. The demand for a new constitution is real. It should not, at any moment, be treated as a gift from politicians to the people of Bongo who voted for them in the first place!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

After poll gains I would consolidate myself

We are witnessing quite some exciting times. The political climes are changing. Opposition parties, Chadema and the Civil United Front (CUF) have made agreeable gains in the just-ended general elections while very questionable things have been coming from the ruling party, CCM and its government.

Political pundits have felt that CCM has for long been engaged in political self-destruct. It has been conducting political hara-kiri, thinking it could always manipulate Tanzanians and literally get away with murder. The people, through their votes are saying no. Not anymore.

I don’t know whether it’s a heightened sense of euphoria on the part of the opposition or ill advice. But Chadema has come out and said that they don’t recognize the results of the presidential elections in which the Prez, Jack Mrisho Kikwete, has been given the go-ahead to continue with the job for his final five-year stint.

If I was a member of the opposition, I would, of course, voice my serious misgivings about the results. I mean, everyone in Bongo is questioning – what has happened to millions of votes in the presidential votes which simply ‘disappeared’. Word in the street is that the figures were crudely messaged by the National Election Commission (NEC).

Even the state organs, like sekyuliti, have been implicated. They have snarled their denial. But then, they would do that, wouldn’t they?

Everyone with common sense in Tanzania knows this is the last dime for the NEC. I doubt if it will last another 12 months. And I think that is what the opposition should be fighting – the scrapping of that one-party supremacy anachronism called NEC.

If I was in the opposition, I would also mobilize for a strong movement for a new constitution. Not for the review, but the drafting of a brand new constitution. This colonial joke we call the constitution should go – fasta!

It is ridiculous. What we have got here is a constitution for a monarchy. The president is almost God. He reins over us mortals at will. We are all ruled and exist at his pleasure. Thank God we have had relatively level-headed God-fearing rulers since independence. What if we would be unfortunate and get murderous clowns as rulers, you wonder.

If I was the opposition, I would consolidate by intensifying the ‘Operation Sangara’, which everyone knows has borne fantastic results. I would concentrate on civil and parliamentary mobilization. Aim for more legislators in Parliament. Then, come 2015 we would have expected change.

You see, one would have thought that the focus should be of the big picture, not one passport size photo. On winning the wider war, not a battle. Whether you like it or not, the ruling CCM has been thumped on the nose.

Now, thumps to the nose are usu

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ally very painful, especially to people who have been used to riding roughshod over others. Bullies.

Ideology is dead, you see. There is only the ideology - of making money. The campaigns for office have been not about improving peoples’ lives. One side people knows that by saying they want to fight and improve the lives of their people, the candidates were actually meaning the lives of their own bank accounts and that of their families.

We have a start. But, come 2015 people will ask what development has been introduced in their constituencies. That’s a good start. If there is nothing to show for it, then they should be kicked out and make way for those more capable of delivering!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The genie wakes up!

After more than 40 years of being subjected to outrageous doses of chlorophorm and other sleep inducing substances, the Tanzanians are waking up from a decades a long stupor. People, especially the youths, have decided to say that they have seen through the numerous farces and lies and they are going to do something about it.

After the elections, it seems not anymore. The people of Tanzania have said enough is enough. Basta - As the Italians would say when they have it up to their necks. The opposition numbers going to the Legislature have doubled to more than 50. Premier Mizengo ‘Pete’ Pinda has rightly been bounced back Very sexy, if you ask me.

I still don’t know about this democracy business in the CCM, when they bar men from contesting for the Speaker system. Still, I can breathe with Aunt Anna Makinda
in the Bunge and not some political dinosaur as Speaker.

Those ruling party MPs, who have been treating the Bunge like a well-paying and glorified air-conditioned guest house will have to wake up have been jolted to sanity after being kicked in the butt. More should be kicked out, now! The greatest victory for the majority of Tanzanians is the surprise realization – so it can be done then?

So a government of a bunch of clowns who have been acting as demi-gods can simply be removed by a vote? Indeed – who dares wins! The next thing is the knock-on effect. After last Sunday people have realized their own power.

Historically revolutions have been festered, reared and sparked from the cities. It is in the cities where you get the glaring inequalities in society and it is in the cities where you get a radicalized populace, eager to sacrifice themselves.

The changes in Bongo have started in Dar es salaam, Mwanza, Mbeya and other urban centres. In Mbeya they have even said it is better to hire a DJ than listen to the empty crap every five years.The genie has woken up and will never go back into the bottle. Everyone with anything upstairs knows that.

Some of us have sought refuge in cynicism. It seemed hopeless. That the country is being run mostly by a bunch of con-men masquerading as men of honor? Our country has been run by mostly thugs in suits brazenly standing there and telling the people that their grinding poverty and hopelessness is, eti, progress and development? That, having their kids sitting on floors in dusty rooms and a school comprising of one teacher is progress? All this while the thugs in suits are exporting their children to decent schools in foreign countries.

Tanzanians have watched with impotent anger as their country is being raped financially. in EPA, Kagoda, Deep Green robberies and nothing has happened. They have been told that their government will do something about it. Nothing. Zilch.

Presently the rape of Tanzanian’s forests continues and the poaching in the country’s national parks is going on unabated and people who perpetrated that crime were actually seeking political office. The rule of impunity will have to end.

We expect a howl of protest to nepotism and cronyism, which have been endemic in government and its promotion of numbing mediocrity.
I am sure that a Bunge with a combination of the likes of Tundu Lissu, Mheshimiwa Mnyika, Anne Kilango, Harrison Mwakyembe among others will quicken the blood of millions of well-meaning Tanzanians.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Shkamoo Mzee Kikwete

Ah so. Mzee Dr Mohamed Gharib Bilal has bounced back as running mate of the incumbent president, Jack Mrisho Kikwete. Fine. Makes one think, who is he? The Mzee has been hovering in the background of the Zanzibar politics for ages.

One would have thought that he would have retired from Zanzibar politics and play with grandkids while sipping spiced tea. Not Mzee Bilal. He seemed to enjoy the political fray in the Isles. His opponents cursed him and most have wished that he would disappear in some forest in Zenj. But he would not go away.

He looks quite a spright old fellow and maybe he should stick around, laying foundation stones, opening dispensaries and having spiced teas. As you know, in most of our countries, these old guys never retire. PS and an assortment of civil servants can retire. Not politicians.

It reminds one 0f the late Mzee Deng-Tsiao Ping in Chinese politics of the mid-80. Father of China, the late Mao-Tse-Tung tried very much to oust this communist comrade, but Mzee Teng just would not go away. He eventually achieved power when Mao died. Now Mzee Teng is credited to the four modernizations which have made China a world power.

Old chaps can be quite handy in some places. They have a tendency to say ‘No’ and mean just that. Stubborn is the word. Teng Tsiao Ping stood up to the late Chairman Mao
To the chagrin of his boss and in the end he won with his neck intact on his shoulder.

In Bongo what we see is a bunch of psychophants who would agree with anything to please their boss. I hope Dr Bilal means it when he says that he will work diligently and obey the boss. I am sure in his age, he has come to realize that sometimes ‘working dilligently’ means saying ‘No’ to the boss. You see bosses all over the world always listen to what they want to hear and disregard the rest.

Most of us have never liked the scandals which have beset the outgoing government. Most of us are outraged with a sense of impunity by our rulers and no punishment for it. Is Dr Bilal going to look at Jack Mrisho in the eye and tell him, frankly, that this cannot go on? We hope so.

Oh, by the by, how will these two guys greet each when they meet at work? I find it hard to imagine Dr Bilal smiling sheepishly at his boss and saying: “Shkamoo, Mheshimiwa rais…”

I think they will resort to: “Assalam Aleykum.” Will be in order. Although The Prez, Jack is quite westernized and for the rest of us he does not mind a: “Hi Mr President…”

You see, why I am saying that, is because there are all those boot-lickers who grovel to power to the extent of embarrassing most other people. Something like: “Shkamoo mtukufu rais. Everything is ready mzee…”

Mzee? Surely Jack is not a mzee. He is middle-aged and to see old octogenarians address him as ‘mzee’ is liable to make us faint.
May we not discover oil

I am a born optimist, but I fail to tell myself that if Bongo were to tap oil tomorrow there is a bright future ahead us.

Our local press has been saying, incorrectly, of course, that if Tanzania discovers oil, then everything is going tot be roses and lovely things are going to come our way.

TV pictures of the oil spill caused by British Petroleum (BP) on TV, show horror stories by the mess created in the Gulf of Mexico in the US. People in tears because of ruined ways of lives. The BP has been forced to pay a tonne of money – and they will pay.

But why go to the US? Let’s look at our continent. What have the Africans who were blessed with oil have to say? Nigeria tapped oil 40 years ago and what have they to show for it? A constant civil war through religious and tribalism the, outrageous pollution, outrageous and unbelievable corruption which only Nigerians are capable of.

Gabon’s oil is owned by the former president Bongo’s family. Angola’s oil is owned by the Van Dunen clan which has been calling the shots, since the late first president Agustino Neto’s reign as president. The Nguemas in Guinea Bissau are milking their country’s wealth as if that is not their country. With such psychological types as an example in Bongo – who needs oil?

We are busy plundering what we have. We are constantly being bombarded that Tanzania is a resources rich country. We have the minerals; lovely fertile land, lakes and you name it.

But the next thing you hear is a load of rubbish and nonsense. That we have to tap nuclear power. That is? When we are pussyfooting with hydro-electric power? That? When were thumbing our noses at solar-power. Well, the US president, Barrack Hussein Obama has plans to start solar farms in the US.

When other people are getting sensible, our bums in suits are talking of nuclear power. The idea is to get uranium, send to France to be purified. Then bring it back to Bongo to fuel nuclear reactors for Tanzanians. Our bums, whom people say have been to school, think in such twisted manner.

They steal crude by the ship-loads in Nigeria and other African countries ‘blessed’. They are protected by the mafia law of ‘omerta’. Silence. We have such a law in our beloved Tanzania. We will be left with cavernous holes where our gold was, like Mwadui diamonds area.

Nigeria is slowly but surely being left with frightening pollution and poverty stricken peasants in the Niger Delta were the oil is being exploited. That is with a few crooks in government, most owning airlines and turning the country a free for all to rape.

One would have thought there would be legislature on the management of our natural resources. You see it’s criminal to have a system whereby one man can parcel off bits of a country in the name of ‘privatisation’.

They sold (or rather, gave away) the NBC in the ‘privatization’ How come the NMB had it shares floated and it went well? Jamani, even the Chinese are floating shares of a bank started by Chairman Mao Testing. They never sold it to one capitalist company?

So you want oil? Who is going to own it? BP or some of those big oil companies. What will Tanzanians get out of it? Remember, the people of the Niger Delta got fed up with the looting of their resources. Now they are fighting for it. Now it is a machine-gun galore.
Don’t let them fool you. It’s not that difficult running a country. The people want free, and decent, education. They want free, and decent medicare, and they want jobs aplenty not for anybody, but Tanzanians
Sangomas win in World Cup

The sporting world is holding its breath. Will Paul the octopus bestow the winning to Spain or Holland this evening?

All week European witches, and say the world over, have been watching what Paul does. Paul the octopus has been predicting the outcome of many a World Cup match – with devastating results. Paul has been predicting correctly.

The last prediction was yesterday. Nearly the entire world watched in awe as the octopus chose a box with the German flag. Which meant that Germany would triumph over Uruguay to get the number three winner in the world cup finals?

On Friday Paul the octopus said that Spain will triumph over Holland in the finals today. We are watching. But some have not been charitable with their comments on how the world should treat the sangomas.

Someone said that Paul should be ignored, roasted nice and tender and be served with potatoes and beer. Someone in Spain said if Spain loses then Paul should be served with a glass of chilled white wine.

With us in Bongo, I think we should not eat Paul. I know that locally octopuses are a delicacy in our coast. Having grown up in Dar es Salaam, I have been hearing things about octopuses. I hear octopus is an aphrodisiac. I hear that octopus stimulates the gonads, not unlike Viagra!

So if, Spain wins the World Cup, just don’t be surprised to see me enjoying a calamari soup platter sometimes next week. You enjoy that and next week you will be so hot that they will have call in the fire-fighting services to cool you down.

It was a sad in the tournament as sangomas in the word lost to great soccer nations through sheer skills. The Samba Boys from Brazil succumbed to a 2- 1 defeat from the Dutch. I hear that the Dutch had a secret anti-sangoma counter measures. – cheese. They poured melted cheese to all those Brazilian witchcraft, called Santeria, and they could not mesmerize them with their fancy footwork.

Then the witches of the entire African continent could not zap the Uruguayans from South American. Even a tacit nod from Mzee Nelson Mandela himself did not help.

What we need now is an All-African Witches Conference to consult and deliberate on what went wrong at the World Cup meet in Sausi. Was it the too much vuvuzela noise? Were the jabulani footballs just too modernized for Africans, or was it the weather?

Whatever happens today, I have now come realize that the sangoma is doing great in the lives of people, including sport all over the world. I don’t mind, as long as nobody gets hurt.
And the totos also rise?

After centuries of cutting of each others’ heads, the quartering of crooks, the Brits have been punishing and just general mayhem in the British Isles. Now those guys have decided to be more humane in their meting out punishment. Their last elections in which former prime minister Gordon David Brown lost to the liberal-dems and Conservatives coalition between David Cameron and David Clegg went on as smooth as fish and chips.

Not for the rest of us – especially the emerging democracies of the world. Electoral campaigning has been reduced to trading insults. I remember that enemy propaganda to opposition parties in Tanzania and most of Africa have been churning out silly stuff. Their favourite slime calling Mbatia gay. Now the head of CCJ is also being smeared as gay.

As if one’s sexual preferences matter to the rest o us. We hear a lot of hookers, hustlers and plain changudowas gallivanting in the corridors of all parties. Unless you are suffering from abysmal ignorance or are plain dumb you will never fail to notice them. Men will happily pimp their way up to gain a party post.

And now a new crop is coming out – sons and daughters. They also want to be in the fray. Not because for something just and noble. It’s the millions of unaccounted for, mostly filthy lucre in the ruling party which quickens their blood.

Their tactics are the same – one has been caught lying about his age and I am sure there are many more. Most have also lied about their educational background. Most political types abhor academic qualifications. Believe me to them it’s very profitable to be quick and fast with your mouth with than with your brain.

I hope our parties are taking into consideration some good looks too. Voters all over the world have decided that they don’t wan’t ogres and old men and women to cover their newsstands and TV. Look at Obama, in the US, David Cameron and Clegg in Britain. They want fresh faced youngish men – like me, for example. Even in Britain – after loosing through Gordon Brown the Labour Party is thinking of anointing much younger blood in the form of one of the Milliband brothers.

I hope that our parties, which are mostly full of political dinosaurs will appoint decent looking youngish totos, not necessarily sons and daughters of the stone age politicians. Never mind what is between their ears!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The learned friends toilets are filthy!

I wonder if you have been to courts recently. As least I have been to some of them. Yesterday I had to visit the Kisutu Senior Magistrate’s court. It has something to do with the Daily Blah, that I wrote something about the evils of the TRA, that they were bullying businessmen in most parts of Bongo.

The guy got very sore. He took it personally and sued the paper to court adding that I should pay millions as damages. That was five years ago! So I went to court to clear things. My conscience was, and is still clear. I wonder what got into the poor chap to think that TRA meant him.

If it means that, it means if we talk about a rotten government, then we are talking about Jack Mrisho’s show. Then he should bundle into jail everyone who talks about his government. Which is just impossible. You can’t jail 40 million people.

Anyway, at the Kisutu court I saw a couple of the lawmen. Most of them were resplendent in their dark suits. The magistrates looked respectable strutting in their robes.

Then, I asked where the loo was. I had to go to the toilet. I was not surprised that the choo was not hidden behind the court. But I did not have to see it for as I was going round building the stench hit me like a heavyweight puncher’s right hand cross to the jaw.

I looked at my friend’s face and he shrugged; “We are even glad we have a toilet. Some places of justice don’t even have toilets.” He said. You have to look for some bush.

I did not say anything. I just pretended to survey the place and ran off to my friend’s office nearby. Having grown up in Dar I was not very surprised by the Kisutu Magistrate’s hole. Jail is hell in Bongo. That is why when all those desperadoes hear that they have to continue with staying in remand, some of them just smear pooh to their bodies in a bid to attempt to escape.

I would have thought if the learned friends contributed 10,000 shillings each to pay to the toilet cleaner things would a bit better. A magistrate under pressure from his bowels might easily give the wrong judgment or a witness might lie his or her head off, simply because they want to use the toilet.
I seriously think that the state coercive organs, the police, courts and others should seriously think of holding a mega-conference on the matter of stinking stations. For, I frankly think that there is a lot of injustices going on simply because once incarcerated most people can’t think straight, because of the stench of toilets!
Incompetent DCs to face the the music

I hear that Premier Mizengo Pinda is pissed off with some of the work of his DC’s. That if they fail to distribute fertilizer and other inputs in their respective areas this season DCs are going to face the music.

“Frankly speaking the government is not going to accept such irresponsibility. It is grave mistake and culprits will be taken to task.” The PM said in his recent tour in Rukwa Region.

I wonder why the PM wants to play DJ to the district commissioners now. The incompetence started since uhuru, when the rulers started giving out the posts of district and regional governors are rewards from the bwana mkubwa.

The premier was apparently referring to reports to of\ alleged massive theft of agricultural worth over 5bn/- shillings in Rukwa Region through the voucher system..

Mr Pinda said timely delivery of inputs under supervision of district
distribution committee, could have catapulted harvests of food and cash crops this season.

Rukwa is among the top four regions leading on the production of food
crops particularly maize in the country. Others are Mbeya, Iringa and
Ruvuma regions.

What beats the rest of us is why don’t our rulers fire those incompetents?. Kick them out? For one, those guys are mere thieves specializing on stealing from the wananchi. They just happen to have found themselves in those positions. Due to either knowing the top honcho or just his buddies.

When our rulers points a warning finger at them and there is no sign of punishment the rest of us wananchi exchange significant looks and wait for our turn to steal and get away with literary anything.

And thus it is going to be when there is crime without any retribution as it presently in Tanzania. At independence regional and district commissioner could at least read and write a report. After we have done wonders to our education system and reading has been made a luxury for the few we are now paying dearly for it.

Mr. Pinda and our rulers should understand that to return to the standards we used to have will be an uphill task and I doubt if that is achievable today or in the near future. But if it’s finger wagging which they are doing then that is quite pleasant and funny. And no one gets hurt!

Today, the change of regional and district commissioner comes after elections. Watch the end of this elections. All the failed politicians in districts and regions. They are going to be dumped in the regions as ‘commissioners’. Which is unfair. You cannot let a bunch of buddies, girlfriends and relatives run the country – eti governors.
This is not a democracy it has gotten to be a dynasty. So when PM Mizengo Pinda sees waster and grabbing going on, he should not blame the rest of us. The rulers should blame themselves
JK’s motorcade succumbs to global warming

Now, it’s not getting funny. This world is full of terrorists everywhere. Last Monday our glorious Prez Jack Mrisho was busy inspecting the environs of Dar es Salaam in his super long, super sleek motorcade of black four-wheeled vehicles.

Suddenly his car stalled around Mavurunza in Kinondoni District, not due to the muddy roads he was inspecting, but because it had developed flat tire, the driver explained.

The prez, a former Col Jack Kikwete, a trained soldier, smartly changed vehicles and went into another super sleek, Japanese four-wheel drive to continue with inspecting the muddy roads of Kinondoni District.

But no sooner had Japanese car number two started when it also stalled. This is because the well-trained State House driver could not re-engage the four-wheel drive (WWD) gears to normal.

Other sources at Ikulu said they suspected that the State House transport department had been infiltrated by terrorists. Some sources said that when Tanzania intelligence agents visited the area the evidence had all the hallmarks of Al Qaeda agents. They it showed that they showed ball-bearings and nails attached to the tires.

But the news hounds accompanying the motorcades were not to be outdone: “Madam, are you sure that the car refused to go because it had been brain-washed by terrorists not to take the president on mud inspection of Dar as Salaam? We have sources who swear that the car broke down because of global warming and is aimed at embarrassing the entire Tanzanian government.”

“Could be.” The increasingly irritated presidential spokesperson says.
“Okay. Just to be sure madam. You are saying that the presidential vehicles stalled because of a flat tire, Al Qaeda terrorists in a deadly collusion with agents of global warming carrying ball bearings and nails. Is that it?”

“Look, you people why do you dwell on disaster only? These things are normal. Why do you harp on trivialities? Haven’t you ever seen presidential cars infiltrated by Al Qaeda before? Why don’t you write about developmental things like roads, mud?”

Sources in government say that citizens of the United Republic of Tanzania have jammed State House with e-mails enquiring about the health of their ruler.

Another Ikulu spokesman has hinted that they are going to write to Japan to determine whether there is going to be a random check of presidential vehicles. But generally, though alarmed a bit, the prez is smiling again.
And the totos also rise?

After centuries of cutting of each others’ heads, the quartering of crooks, the Brits have been punishing and just general mayhem in the British Isles. Now those guys have decided to be more humane in their meting out punishment. Their last elections in which former prime minister Gordon David Brown lost to the liberal-dems and Conservatives coalition between David Cameron and David Clegg went on as smooth as fish and chips.

Not for the rest of us – especially the emerging democracies of the world. Electoral campaigning has been reduced to trading insults. I remember that enemy propaganda to opposition parties in Tanzania and most of Africa have been churning out silly stuff. Their favourite slime calling Mbatia gay. Now the head of CCJ is also being smeared as gay.

As if one’s sexual preferences matter to the rest o us. We hear a lot of hookers, hustlers and plain changudowas gallivanting in the corridors of all parties. Unless you are suffering from abysmal ignorance or are plain dumb you will never fail to notice them. Men will happily pimp their way up to gain a party post.

And now a new crop is coming out – sons and daughters. They also want to be in the fray. Not because for something just and noble. It’s the millions of unaccounted for, mostly filthy lucre in the ruling party which quickens their blood.

Their tactics are the same – one has been caught lying about his age and I am sure there are many more. Most have also lied about their educational background. Most political types abhor academic qualifications. Believe me to them it’s very profitable to be quick and fast with your mouth with than with your brain.

I hope our parties are taking into consideration some good looks too. Voters all over the world have decided that they don’t wan’t ogres and old men and women to cover their newsstands and TV. Look at Obama, in the US, David Cameron and Clegg in Britain. They want fresh faced youngish men – like me, for example. Even in Britain – after loosing through Gordon Brown the Labour Party is thinking of anointing much younger blood in the form of one of the Milliband brothers.
I hope that our parties, which are mostly full of political dinosaurs will appoint decent looking youngish totos, not necessarily sons and daughters of the stone age politicians. Never mind what is between their ears!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Pinda goes public on his poverty!

The national jaw has dropped on the utterances of the premier, Mizengo Peter Pinda. Eyebrows have soared to the stratosphere. Is he okay? I mean, how do you just declare your personal poverty to the media and say you own peanuts? There ought to be a commission of enquiry about this. How can a prime minister of Tanzania be so poor?

Premier Pinda has said that he owns three shacks, which he calls houses, in Dodoma, Sumbawanga and a room on a shamba somewhere around Pugu. The Sumbawanga shack is somewhere called Makanyagio, definitely not in the posh area of the town.

Now Makanyagio area must have been an abattoir or a place they used to sell beef leftovers, like boiled hooves, heads, entrails (utumbo) and such. There are such places in most towns in Bongo.

So the premier called his property houses. Presumably he has not seen the castles which have been built in Mikocheni area and the likes in Tanzania’s urban centers. Tasteless godowns adorned with luminous lights here and there portrayed as residential houses.

You look at those godowns and you wonder - do those couples want to play lawn-tennis indoors? How do they communicate, by using the latest intercom technology?

But you understand the psychology. If you come from a hole in the ground for a home, you will want to revenge. Once you get fisadi money, you build your personal Ikulu so that the world sees that now you are made.

That mindset is at the sub-conscious of many a head. Big house, big car, big bank account, and probably big mama, as well. But you get surprises amidst the looting frenzy we live in. Former premier Judge Joseph Warioba is one surprise. He is relatively modest.

Premier Pinda comes in mind. He has about 25, 000 dollars in his account. Basi? The prime minister of the United Republic of Tanzania has only that? Is he serious? There must be a catch somewhere!

I mean, for example, there is this $40 million deal to bring tractors from India. Normally, the premier would have found this Tanzanian ‘businessman’ and there already have been two of them at each others’ throats to clinch the deal. The ‘businessman’ would have had the necessary ‘qualifications’ like being of Indian origin. Black Tanzanians can’t be businessmen, they cannot trade. Maybe selling the odd mango this season.

Then the premier would have given the deal to the Asian businessman, with homes in Switzerland, Bombay and Ottawa partnered with mzee’s brother Then the Pindas would have been awarded with the usual 10 per cent commission of $4 million to be salted away in some off-shore account, somewhere far from the prying eyes of envious Tanzanians. Wivu tu!

But no. The Premier talks of giving the deal to the SUMA JKT and TPDF Nyumbu, to assemble the darn tractors in Tanzania. Odd fellow, this guy. I mean, why can’t he just be normal like everybody else, grab the 4 million dollars and run? I mean, nothing will happen!

But he says strange things: “I am very comfortable and would not use my position to enrich myself. I am very privileged because I am being fed, housed and all my other needs are taken care of by the State and even in retirement. I consider this a reward enough to dedicate my energy to serving the republic.”

Kick me if I am dreaming! I think quite a number of us wananchi will need a wallop in the butt. This can’t happen in today’s Bongo! He has had sense to realize that you cannot eat 20 roast chickens all by yourself at one sitting. Because that is called greed –which is most contemptible. Great. Do such types still exist in the United Republic of Tanzania?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

MP’s car suffers from hernia!

Ah, so, the juju election campaign is on, eh? At least that’s what Kilindi MP Beattie Shelukindo has said. She has been seeing red over matters superstitious. Seeing visions of people with broomsticks wearing pointed noses, and big eyes not dissimilar to mine (watch the picture) casting spells in her constituency in a plot to make her lose the October elections.

The MP, who says that she will never be swayed from her path of seeking re-election in Kilindi has said that she has been having encounters of an odd kind whenever she visited her area to meet the people.

It is believed that one morning last week her pet cat winked at her and made suggestive and salacious noises at her in the morning while she was having breakfast. She warned the cat that she was married, but the cat cheekily kept on winking and being naughty.

The CCM MP said she believed the antics were part of a wider campaign by her political rivals to unsettle her in the runner-up to the elections. Then came the turn of her car. She said it was not unusual for her car to stall or be involved in accidents whenever she visited the constituency.

Then she added: “I am amazed what is happening to me these days…whenever I plan a tour to the constituency, my car breaks down. For instance I was rushing to a public rally recently when my car broke down in mysterious circumstances. It must have been a car hernia.” she said.

“I boarded a bus which also broke down. The second bus that I boarded met a similar fate, and I was late for the important meeting.” She complained. This naturally un-nerved the law maker.

Presumably the juju guys cast their spells on the ladyship’s shangingi. Then added other evil sorcery devises which stalled the subsequent buses she had boarded, resulting into her missing an important meeting with her constituents.

Beattie Shelukindo is not the only one worried about the ways of the juju men. A lot of politicians are presently busy seeking the attentions of witch-doctors. Some serious money is being thrown in the juju game.

They say, if you need to be an MP you must have at least 100 million, or even more, salted away as bribes and all those sweeteners, I call them insults, for the voters.

But to have a juju man or two is normal procedure. Which is why Beattie Shelukindo is worried about foul play? Tanga is one of the regions where politicians are said to ‘invest’ in their futures in juju. It is an open secret that people hailing from Tanga would rather invest in Dar es Salaam or other areas in Tanzania than in their home region. Unless, of course, you have a formidable witch or two to ‘clear’ the route for you.

Right now my spies in Upare tell me that an MP, who is also a professor, has lost his juju man. I did not know the almighty juju man also die like the rest of us. Disappointingly the witch-doctor has died. The MP’s pressure is soaring to dizzy heights. It is said the man might easily explode with worries any time.

He fiercely believes that this is not for nothing, but the evil deeds of jujumen of rival camps who have done the professor’s juju man in. This is not normal juju technology. The professor swears that the juju man’s death has all the hallmarks of nano-technology.

Ostensibly, Mrs. Shelukindo does not believe in juju. But she baffled her voters when she appealed to the ‘witchdoctors’ to endorse her as she had done a lot to bring development in the area.

“It’s time we stopped believing in witchcraft. We should change our mindsets, and concentrate on development and education.” She said.

Indeed. One wonders why then, did she narrate her juju story if she does not believe in juju. And why has she herself not transformed her mindset in the first place?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Now... the Bill Ngeleja show!

I hear energy and minerals minister, Bill Ngeleja on Tuesday flipped at an ATM station in Dar and yelled profanities at the attendant, Pascal Mnaku.
His mistake? Pascal told ‘mzee’ that he should please give room to other people in the queue, who were waiting for their turn to draw some cash.

It seems that Bill was busy talking to a VIP (God?) on the phone and could not be disturbed while he was busy rapping on the phone in the ATM room.

That was enough insult to Bill, he started prancing like a champion boxer and threatening to annihilate the hapless watchman.

The minister then decided to offer the watchman his CV, just in case: “Do you know who I am?” he yelled. Then he started screaming unprintables at the poor fellow. Pascal says he was taken aback by this childish show of careless tantrum by a senior minister.

“I didn’t even know he was a minister. All I wanted him to do is ease him out of the ATM booth so that other people can use it. There was a long queue waiting while ‘mzee’ was busy speaking on his phone.” Said the tearful Pascal Mnaku.

You might think that this was a storm in a tea-cup and everyone might have quickly forgotten about it. Not, Bill. He made sure that Pascal Mnaku was hauled before him, like in some Kangaroo court, before him. He tried by atoning to his sins and offering to be Ngeleja’s campaign man, but ‘mzee’ was simply furious.

“I won’t forgive him until he gets a very stiff punishment!” yelled an outraged Bill Ngeleja to the terrified Ultimate Security bosses who had removed the watchman to the headquarters.

What the watchman, Pascal Mnaku is awaiting now is Bill’s wrath. What is the maximum penalty for the terrible offense of disturbing a minister who was in the very important job of talking to God while in an ATM booth?

Human rights activists have questioned the mental state of the minister, while at the time he was ranting at the watchman. He could have been exposed and indulged in too much of a joyous season, meaning that he could have had too much to drink and plenty to eat. These could have clouded his judgment and let lose traces of vanity common to those who find themselves in high government offices.
Impeccable legal observers are thinking of advising Bill Ngeleja not to forgive Pascal Mnaku’s heinous crime. But they have advised the minister to accept Pascal Mnaku’s offer to be his campaign manager in the Ngeleja campaign trail, which starts anytime now.
EU aid with strings attached

The head of the European Union to Tanzania, Ambassador Tim Clarke has read the riot act to the Tanzania government, saying that the EU will no longer bankroll the now openly rampant graft in the country.

I like that, and I think it has long been overdue. Watching events over the past years the government has been acting as if the warnings are a big joke. They EU will say that, wouldn’t they? Something to please their governments back home.

I just hope the Mr. Clarke, and the EU in general, mean what they say. He wondered “the rationale of providing such resources at a time when the local media is full of corruption scandals, alleged abuses of power, of grotesque wastage of public resources, of elitism and insufficient attention given to the plight of the poorest of the poor, of the disabled, of the most vulnerable parts of society.”

I hope the government thinks about this. Otherwise we, the wananchi, might think what is the point of the EU pouring millions of euros into Tanzania government coffers when the money is openly stolen and pocketed by the rulers with impunity while efforts to curb these crimes are hardly made. What’s the point of any aid at all?

I think, like any family, if some members of the group feel they are being short-changed by the minority, we have to start asking each other some pertinent questions. How much did we get in aid? How did we spend that money? Who spent it?

Otherwise Tanzanians might as well line up, everyone gets his cut and everybody gets on with it. What’s the point of getting 383 million euros to buy silly four-wheel vehicles for district commissioners? It’s a question of status conscious Tanzanians playing around with badly needed resources.

Chadema opposition leader, Dr Wilbrod Slaa has just accused the ruling CCM party for importing 200 vehicles without paying taxes. Fine. They hold the guns so they can’t and don’t feel the need to pay tax. But can anybody really say that not paying tax is a crime, when a brilliant example is shown by the government?

“The government’s fight against corruption is just a rhetorical smoke screen unless we see the main corruption cases prosecuted, particularly
the infamous Kagoda Agriculture Company of the EPA (external payment arrears) scandal,” Dr Slaa said.

“Tanzanians and development partners are being cheated . The government talks about fighting graft, but in real sense nothing is being done.” He declared.

We Tanzanians already know that. It seems Ambassador Tim Clarke has work to do to find out what he already suspects!
Zenj’s 10 year itch, again!

Now, what? Wags, including the CUF’s Foreign Affairs Director, Ismail Jussa have started thinking aloud with their mouths again. That there is need to allow the outgoing President Karume to consolidate peace initiatives in the Isles, so he thinks.

After deep deliberation I have started to wonder – it is a 10 itch which afflicts rulers in the Isles after that period which makes then come out kicking and screaming against retirement?

Just when the rest of the us citizenry were beginning to make a sigh of relief on the events in the Isles, then the likes Ismail Jussa opens up talk like” “There is nothing wrong in letting him )President Karume) finish what he has started.”

Who, in the name of the Almighty, has said that the coveted Union between Mainland Tanzania and the Isles, between the Late Mzee Karume and Mzee Nyerere has been finished?

We have constantly been at each others throats trying to survive and we are still on it. The people of people have been grumbling since Adam and Eye that for ages they have been treated as second class citizens. Some 50 years plus and both sides are far from satisfied with the Union. Should we call the founding fathers back?

The people of Tanzania had all but raised their arms in hopeless despair when lo, and Behold, out comes the Chairman of the Zanzibar Revolutionary Council and waves an olive branch to CUF. President Karume and CUP boss Maalim Seif and put their heads together to talk shop, not blood.

President Karume unleashed a killer blow to opponents of the union between the Zanzibar Islands, by saying that anybody from the Islands can be a president of the Zanzibar.

The country and our friends abroad rejoiced and we all now look forward to a new chapter to the sister Islands. Hopefully no more, uncouth and savage behavior from a government purportedly claiming to be civilized and democratic.

Then, the like of Jussa comes and sneaks in a line about changing the constitution to allow the out-going President Karume to “let him finish what he has started.”

I can see it in my mind’s eye. From the way things, Jussa and his mates are onto a good thing (urojowise) as long as President Karume stays at the top for awhile. How long? Well for a while.

There is nothing wrong with that selfish thought, it’s very human. As long as I am in the gravy train, the president of Zanzibar can go on for awhile or, even forever.

I am afraid Bwana Jussa, should realize a country if built by the collective, through ups and downs. You find some with a flash of brilliance, like President Karume, and some just a bunch of nincompoops.

What the citizens should do it to grab fast the progressive ideas like the good sounds coming from Zenj. The progressive ideas spurred by outgoing President Amani Abeid Karume must be embraced and promoted by the all the peace loving le we all expire and become history, if at all. Posterity will finish the job of peaces not individuals.people of Tanzania.
Bwana Jussa, it is not about us, human beings. After a whi
Jihadhari na mamluki wa uandishi!

Nimeliona jambo hili linatokea mara kwa mara kukiwa na uchaguzi au kama kuna tukio ambalo limelitingisha taifa kama vile kujiuzulu kwa aliyekuwa waziri mkuu, Edward Lowassa na mawaaziri wawili. Naliona mwaka huu, linajirudia pole pole.

Jambo lenyewe ni kutokea kwa tabaka fulani katika fani yetu ya uandishi ya watu ambao huwezi kuwaita waandishi, bali mamluki wa fani hii.

Wakati wa uchaguzi uliopita wanasiasa waliajiri wazi wazi mamluki hao. Wao hawana maadili yo yote katika maisha yao. Wao wanachoabudu kiko katika madhabau (altar) ya fedha.

Watu kama hao watakupamba mpaka utaona kizinguzungu. Hawana aibu. Kama wewe ni jambazi lenye kuvaa suti, mamluki hao watasema wewe ni mkombozi na uishi milele, Amina!

Nakuwa wa kwanza kukubali kuwa wapo sana mamluki hao. Sasa hivi umetokea ujanja wa mamluki hao kutaka kuwakosha watu fulani waliotuibia mabilioni kuwa,eti, ni watu safi.

Kwanza mimi binafsi nashangaa kwa nini watuhumiwa hao wasichukuliwe hatua za kisheria? Nasema kila siku nchini hii mtu ukiiba kuku mmoja basi tunakuchoma na moto. Lakini ukiiba mabilioni – hapo sawa!

Mimi wala sitaupamba uhalifu huo mchafu na kuuita ufisadi. Nauita vile nilivyozoea – wizi! Mijizi imetuibia mabilioni, halafu sasa imeanza kupakaziana.

Tatizo la mwizi ni kusahau kuwa siku zake ni arubaini. Na jinsi ya kumpata mwizi ni kama ukitaka kumvua yule samaki wa baharini. Chuchunge.

Akiuma chambo wewe muongezee mshipi aende nao. Atakwenda weee-e-e! Akijua mambo shwari atameza chambo. Ndipo hapo utampata kwa ulaini.

We msomaji, unafikiria mambo hayo ya wizi baina ya viongozi tumeanza kutasikia leo? Wala! Tumeyasikia siku nyingi tu zilizopita. Lakini ukisema tu watu kama Mzee Kingunge Ngombale Mwiru wanakujia kama kifaru. Ushaidi uko wapi?

Mamluki wengine wanatafuta mambo ya ajabu kabisa. Ukabila.Eti akiwekwa mmasai mmoja hatiani basi kabila lake lote linaharibiwa jina na wengine kudhalilishwa. Utumbo mwingine huo. Hakuna kitu kibaya kama wapambe.

Wengine wanajidai kuwa wakati wa kuanza kampeni za uchaguzi nchini Tanzania hazijaanza. Wala msomaji asiamini madude hayo. Siku hizi kampani zinaanzishwa kila siku. Chini chini.

Unachotakiwa kufanya msomaji ni kuweza kusoma staili na mbinu tofauti wanazozitumia wanasiasa kufanikisha lengo hilo. Kwa sasa hivi mlengwa mkubwa ni yule mtu anayejiita mwandishi wa habari. Sisi wenyewe tunawajua. Wajomba hao wana njaa kali na wanasiasa wanawanunua wazi wazi.

Kimya kimywa tu unamuona bwana mdogo mmoja au kadada ghafla kanaanza kushabikia upuuzi wa fulani na kuuita habari. Nimeona Mbunge mmoja, yeye ni profesa, ghafla anashabikia mradi wa maji wa mjini Ilula, huko Iringa. Habari hiyo imetokea kwenye vijarida mtaani, kama mara tano hivi. Habari ile ile.

Mwanasiasa huyo ameisha mtia bwana maji wa Ilula jamba jamba, na kuuliza kwa nini maji hayatoki mjini Ilula. Jamaa amempa bwana maji siku 20 kueleza kwa nini Ilula iko kavu.

Swali ni kuwa, kwa nini sasa, kwa mbunge huyo kujifanya yeye ni bingwa wa kuleta maji mjini hapo. Mimi naona kama huo ni utani na kejeli kwa wananchi wa Ilula. Haya maji yanayoshinikizwa yatoke wakati huu yanatoka wapi? Ina maana kuanzia 2005 watu walikuwa hawajui maji mpaka alivyokuja mkuu na uchaguzi unaonekana huu umefika? Basi iko kazi.

Huku anakurupuka Waziri wa Utalii na Mali Asili, Shamsa Mwangunga amepiga marufuku safari za maofisa wake kusafiri kwenda nje kuzurura – wao wanaziita safari za kikazi. Eti kuendeleza utalii.

Kila mtu mwenye akili mzuri anajua kuwa sekta hiyo ya wizara ni ya wa wazururaji na watu wenye kwenda shopping kila siku. Sasa waziri huyo, baada ya kukaa kimya miaka, anasema amepiga marufuku safari hizo ambazo kwa msingi ni kudokoa fedha za walipa kodi. Hiyo ni danganya toto ya kila siku.

Mabilioni yemekuwa yanaliwa na maofisa wa serikali, na hata watu binafsi, kwa kusafiri nchi za nje. Huu mradi sasa umekuwa mkubwa kiasi ya kutia aibu. Lakini wao hawaoni hiyo. Sasa uchaguzi unakuja kila mjomba na anti wanajifanya nchi hii inawauma.

Shamsa hajatuambia lilicholotokea hasa hiko Loliondo, ambako waTanzania wa naonewa na kunyanyaswa na serikali yao. Shamsa hajasema wakoloni wa kiarabu wanaendeleaje na utawala wao wa sehemu kubwa kaskazini nchini Tanzania.

Nionavyo ni kuwa bado wabunge wengi hawana jipya la kusema na kwa watanzania wakati tukieleekea kwenye uchanguzi ujao mwezi Octoba. Wengi wa wapumbe wanasema hewa tupu. Wengi zaidi wanatayarisha shahada za PhD, juu ya kuwa kuwa wengi tumekubaliana kuwa hizo shahada ni hewa.

Lakini katika pumba nyingi unakuta watunga sheria wengine wanasema kunachowezekana kusikika. Napenda Mbunge Christopher ole Sendeka alivyowanyooshea wazazi wa Kiteto kidole kuwa yeyote atakaemzuia mtoto wa wa kike au yule ye yote yule,wa jimbo hilo la uchaguzi kutokwenda shule, astashitakiwa.

Sawa kabisa. Sheria hiyo ilikuwepo zamani na nilitegemea wabunge wangeivalia njuga sheria hiyo. Lakini naona wabunge wengu wako kwenye, kujenga U-dokta, na imaonyesha serikali nayo inanaafiki kuwepo kwa mafeki kibao kila mahala. Na huu ni mwanzo tu wa kasheshe itakavyokuwa mwaka huu.

Kuna hongo za kila siku katikakachuzi za nchini hapa. Sijui mwaka huu kutakua na nini kipya. Wasi wasi wangu ni kuwa sisi waTanzania tunaweza kufikitria kuwa hii nchi ni yetu, lakini mimi nina wasi wasi kuwa wajanja wanaweza wakawa wameiuza nchi hii zamani!
Number of people with BP rising. Why?

An Indian heart surgeon, Dr Pujar Suresh recently paid a tour to give a free check out the conditions of the hearts of 200 people in Dar. He did not like what he saw.

The result of their medical conditions did not make sexy reading at all. He blamed bad eating habits, especially in the big towns like Dar es Salaam. It’s an easy analysis, in cities, lives a guy called Fisadi Jones. The more money he gets, he ends up increasingly to be a victim of his mouth and chow.

Eating, almost anything expensive, is his definition of the good life. He hardly is aware that in treating his tummy like a garbage dump,
he is actually slowly but surely digging his grave with his teeth!

The consumerist habits of the middle class, now pitifully reduced to an eating zombie, is everywhere to see, especially during the just ended festive season. The kids are wrongly being brought up to believe that fun is about serious gorging and drinking. Therein lies happiness, they wrongly think.

A young man could risk losing his babe, if he suggests, that they go for a nice little walk, you know, loose themselves in town and have fun. That would be almost treasonable. Walk? Whom do you think she is, to be seen walking? You definitely are out!

So you don’t exercise, you don’t eat reasonably (I did not say a lot), you start getting all those problems. I remember being taught that walking to school is actually good for the little fellas. Today if you tell couples, who have just entered the ‘rat race’ to walk, they could lynch you.

How dare you suggest that their little er…Fifi, walk two miles to her nursery school? Oh, our grand kiddies even have grand names too. I know a Maxine (Mhehe) Fifi (Mdengereko) and Junior (Mhaya) and Rihana (Mfipa).

One day I asked my lovely daughter (whose name is classified) why she had a funny name for her kid. She looked at me straight in the eye and said; “Because the names you gave us are not computer friendly, dad.”

Which means that the modern parents are at the mercy of Bill and Melinda Gates? I am sure shortly when you buy a laptop there will be a large file for names. We could have names like Pixie Frou Frou, after the girl’s dog. The name of the town the kid was conceived like Paris Hilton after the daughter of the hotel magnate. Or, Brooklyn, one of David Beckman’s little boys.

It’s normal to be a copycat. Now you are an African American, until you grow to find out few African Americans give a damn about Africa. You could ape David Bekham and name you baby after the name of the town baby was conceived.

Say, two partners could have a quickie while spending a night at Mpwapwa or Kintinku in Dodoma Region. Say the dad is called Balyorugolu. Their baby could end up being called Kintinku Balyoluguru. Or Mpwapwa Kasusura? You see,Mpwapwa is not exactly Paris.

I don ‘t know if those names will wash. I mean a guy like me – Lusekelo and end up with a kid conceived in Kisiju. Kisiju Lusekelo or Lusekelo Kisiju?

Hang on – let’s zoom back to what causes all those unhealthy pressures and the healthy life. I think it could be partly what we throw into our bodies, and partly the joining of the rat race. You see it every day. Just observe carefully. (Watch this space) The truth is you cannot be everything at the same time!