Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Sangomas win in World Cup

The sporting world is holding its breath. Will Paul the octopus bestow the winning to Spain or Holland this evening?

All week European witches, and say the world over, have been watching what Paul does. Paul the octopus has been predicting the outcome of many a World Cup match – with devastating results. Paul has been predicting correctly.

The last prediction was yesterday. Nearly the entire world watched in awe as the octopus chose a box with the German flag. Which meant that Germany would triumph over Uruguay to get the number three winner in the world cup finals?

On Friday Paul the octopus said that Spain will triumph over Holland in the finals today. We are watching. But some have not been charitable with their comments on how the world should treat the sangomas.

Someone said that Paul should be ignored, roasted nice and tender and be served with potatoes and beer. Someone in Spain said if Spain loses then Paul should be served with a glass of chilled white wine.

With us in Bongo, I think we should not eat Paul. I know that locally octopuses are a delicacy in our coast. Having grown up in Dar es Salaam, I have been hearing things about octopuses. I hear octopus is an aphrodisiac. I hear that octopus stimulates the gonads, not unlike Viagra!

So if, Spain wins the World Cup, just don’t be surprised to see me enjoying a calamari soup platter sometimes next week. You enjoy that and next week you will be so hot that they will have call in the fire-fighting services to cool you down.

It was a sad in the tournament as sangomas in the word lost to great soccer nations through sheer skills. The Samba Boys from Brazil succumbed to a 2- 1 defeat from the Dutch. I hear that the Dutch had a secret anti-sangoma counter measures. – cheese. They poured melted cheese to all those Brazilian witchcraft, called Santeria, and they could not mesmerize them with their fancy footwork.

Then the witches of the entire African continent could not zap the Uruguayans from South American. Even a tacit nod from Mzee Nelson Mandela himself did not help.

What we need now is an All-African Witches Conference to consult and deliberate on what went wrong at the World Cup meet in Sausi. Was it the too much vuvuzela noise? Were the jabulani footballs just too modernized for Africans, or was it the weather?

Whatever happens today, I have now come realize that the sangoma is doing great in the lives of people, including sport all over the world. I don’t mind, as long as nobody gets hurt.

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