Ndiyo dunia hiyo?

The Daily Blah comes of age

I was reading our august government publication last Wednesday when I saw an unlikely front page story – a guy in Mbezi Beach had decided to be a chick. And as if that was not enough, the guy/ka-chick had attempted suicide because of love! He or she was having too much of it.

Oh, you hear quite a few stories about guys, mostly men, killing themselves or even killing their lovers because of love. Those are usually page 3 stories in most news rags. You love someone to death.

But in sober official papers you hear gut-wrenching stories like: ‘Tanzanians told to work hard! Or another ruler yelling that ‘Hard work is the only answer. Or yet another official saying: ‘Tanzanians told to tighten their belts’, while the ruler himself is wearing a mayenu style trouser, like some Congolese musician.

But last Wednesday things were different. It has emerged that a guy called Abdallah Aluu had gone to China some ten years ago, had a sex change operation and came back as aunt Victoria. This was totally unusual, to us in Bongo.

On the same front page was a picture of the prez Jack Mrisho himself, giving an on-the-spot advise to Tanzanian students studying at Stanford University in San Francisco, USA.

That picture of the prez giving an on-the-spot guidance was ideal. Front page material for our government-owned newspaper. But a lead story of guy, now ka-chick, engaged in kinky sex disappointed some of us puritans. No sex please, we are Tanzanians!

As far as we are concerned there is nothing like having gays in Bongo. I remember a few years ago a group of American gays wanted to have a holiday in Zenj. The resultant furore in the Isles caused the US gay party to abandon plans to go and sun themselves in the beaches of Zenj.

Our local gutter press went ballistic (News of the Screws) when they saw ‘their’ story in the government-owned newspaper. Some vowed to sue the government for plagiarism.

One gutter rag went further and interviewed one of the former lovers of Aunt Victoria. A guy in Kinondoni swore that Abdallah ‘ka-chick’ Aluu was the meanest and hottest chick he had encountered in his love life.

I visited the newspaper stand there was this kinky rag with a picture of some er…very cool looking like chick who could easily win the Miss Kinondoni contest. At a closer look and reading the picture caption I was horrified to read that the ka-chick was in fact Abdallah Aluu or Aunt Victoria! God Almighty!

I thanked my stars that I was never the one to seduce the opposite sex while drunk. While most men’s horny instincts go into their heads when bombed. These guys could easily seduce Abdallah Aluu thinking that he was a real chick.

It immediately got me into thinking. We have to check the actual sexuality of those vain chicks competing to be miss something. The chicks could look really home grown. But are they real? The guys could have visited China five or ten years ago for a sex- change operation. We now must have medics present at the ubiquitous Miss Nonsense shows going on everyday in Bongo!