Saturday, October 31, 2009

Welcome to Dark es Salaam!

The citizens of Dar, no Dark es Salaam, have been baying, and are still are, for blood. Th
ey want their electricity, yesterday, or else! Not me! Over the years I have learnt not to raise my blood pressure because government incompetence and goofing. It’s not news.

Having been born an incorrigible optimist I thank the Almighty for my ability to look at the silver lining, not the cloud. If there is a problem, I don’t get angry, I get smart.

Take one. My ka-chick and I have all those lovely candle-lit dinners, every evening. It’s unbelievably romantic. Thanks to the government of the United Republic of Tanzania. Two of my neighbors have asked me for the government’s baby making ministry’s address. They are expecting to multiply in their
family. Babies are on the way as a result of the romantic nights.

Personally, I am expecting to get the vacant job of Tanesco managing director. I hear some 50 guys have already applied. I will be the 51st, and believe me, I will get the job.

Don’t give me the bull-crap of not being qualified. Actually I have been withholding my PhD in Electricity Shedding for ages. Waiting for the right moments to strike. Timing is extremely important in these matters. So enter Dr. Adam Lusekelo (PhD Electricity Shedding)

I know, having Richmond in mind, Bwana Mkubwa, Jack Mrisho himself, will understandably be very suspiciously asking what miracles I will perform as the new boss of the utility company.

This will be easy streets for me. I will tell Mkuu that I will order for 10,000 transformers – from India, of course. These will be generously distributed throughout the country. Major towns like Msata in the coast region will get 500 machines. That will solve the problem of oncoming El Nino rains.

I will advice ‘Mzee’ that if the rains do not rain with discipline, that is, at Mtera and all those strategic rain catching area, he will have to dispatch post-haste, the Premier Mizengo Pinda to go to Thailand and buy some, lest there is drought. It has been done before with former Premier Ted Lowassa.

I will tell Mkuu that I have in place those indefatigable Tanzanian businessmen who have been helping this thankful nation how to cut all those deals like the radar thing, the Iveco trucks, and now 50 billion tractor deal, which will quadruple our agriculture in just five years time.

Super nationalist, Jayantial ‘Jeetu’ Patel has won the tractor deal. I will respectfully suggest that another super nationalist, Tarik ‘Bulbul’ Singh Sohal, of Idodi, in Iringa, be awarded the 10,000 transformer import deal.
But that is not all. As Tanesco boss I will assume that Tanesco has been possessed by the devil. So will summon all the preacher men in town to come and exorcise the devils (pepo), every week.

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