Those randy regions!

According to a study, the people in Shinyanga, Tabora, Lindi and Morogoro Regions go at each other in sexual activities as if there is no tomorrow. A Tacaids official has told a seminar that in Shinyanga a man can enjoy the attentions of up to nine babes monthly!

Well, I don’t know if that kind of sexual athletics can actually be called ‘enjoyment’. Having heard how the guys in Shinyanga, Mwanza and the environs, that can be very hard work.

In dating game the youngsters of age gather and the young chicks of age are offered to chose the guy they fancy – ‘chagulaga’ they call it. Once the guy is chosen by his potential paramour, he has to do a Usein Bolt and chase the chick, through the bush.

This involves a touch of steeple-chase, long jumps, hop, step and jumps. He just has to race her to the ground and after some champion wrestling to win her favours. You could say that is foreplay, Nyamwezi and Sukuma style.

This means if you come from the coast and find yourself in Tabora or Shinyanga, you could end up dying of ‘uhanga’, as those cheeky varsity students call it. Coastal people are not exactly re-known for the art of wrestling.

Anyway, Tacaids does not have a problem with how people have their fun. What bothers them is that multi-partners cause the spread of the deadly killer disease - HIV/Aids.

So the advice is the guys in those regions should slow down, you know, bonk with discipline. If there is anything like that. So you just ask yourself, what could be the cause of the sexual overdrive in those regions?

Could be their diet. Ugali and yoghurt. But it can’t be that. We all eat ugali and some sour milk and other stuff. Maybe the guys add snake poison to stimulate their gonad glands.

Or, another reason could be the size of the ugali itself. To these guys, and the luos and the rest of them, size actually matters. I have seen brothers from those regions who disciplined a huge mound of ugali. They eat so much, you could see sweat running down noses. This could be the reason why the need nine chicks a month to keep them happy.

Some say it could be a deliberate move by, who else? – the government of the United Republic of Tanzania. They deliberately keep the citizens of those poor regions in the dark. No power and the present rationing doesn’t help a bit.

Now what do you do in downtown Nzega in Tabora region, after you have gone to do your ka-farm of maize? You come home, and after some chow, go for some local pombe. Once home, you can’t listen to the radio, of course no TV, no lights and you can’t read. You look at the wife and start thinking.

For those single men, after the pombe they hit the bush and the chagulaga game commences. It’s very romantic, full moon, on God’s open-air guest house. It’s amazing that, apart, from regrettable HIV/Aids deaths, there aren’t many incidents of snake bites, by venomous reptiles!