The learned friends toilets are filthy!

I wonder if you have been to courts recently. As least I have been to some of them. Yesterday I had to visit the Kisutu Senior Magistrate’s court. It has something to do with the Daily Blah, that I wrote something about the evils of the TRA, that they were bullying businessmen in most parts of Bongo.

The guy got very sore. He took it personally and sued the paper to court adding that I should pay millions as damages. That was five years ago! So I went to court to clear things. My conscience was, and is still clear. I wonder what got into the poor chap to think that TRA meant him.

If it means that, it means if we talk about a rotten government, then we are talking about Jack Mrisho’s show. Then he should bundle into jail everyone who talks about his government. Which is just impossible. You can’t jail 40 million people.

Anyway, at the Kisutu court I saw a couple of the lawmen. Most of them were resplendent in their dark suits. The magistrates looked respectable strutting in their robes.

Then, I asked where the loo was. I had to go to the toilet. I was not surprised that the choo was not hidden behind the court. But I did not have to see it for as I was going round building the stench hit me like a heavyweight puncher’s right hand cross to the jaw.

I looked at my friend’s face and he shrugged; “We are even glad we have a toilet. Some places of justice don’t even have toilets.” He said. You have to look for some bush.

I did not say anything. I just pretended to survey the place and ran off to my friend’s office nearby. Having grown up in Dar I was not very surprised by the Kisutu Magistrate’s hole. Jail is hell in Bongo. That is why when all those desperadoes hear that they have to continue with staying in remand, some of them just smear pooh to their bodies in a bid to attempt to escape.

I would have thought if the learned friends contributed 10,000 shillings each to pay to the toilet cleaner things would a bit better. A magistrate under pressure from his bowels might easily give the wrong judgment or a witness might lie his or her head off, simply because they want to use the toilet.
I seriously think that the state coercive organs, the police, courts and others should seriously think of holding a mega-conference on the matter of stinking stations. For, I frankly think that there is a lot of injustices going on simply because once incarcerated most people can’t think straight, because of the stench of toilets!

Incompetent DCs to face the the music

I hear that Premier Mizengo Pinda is pissed off with some of the work of his DC’s. That if they fail to distribute fertilizer and other inputs in their respective areas this season DCs are going to face the music.

“Frankly speaking the government is not going to accept such irresponsibility. It is grave mistake and culprits will be taken to task.” The PM said in his recent tour in Rukwa Region.

I wonder why the PM wants to play DJ to the district commissioners now. The incompetence started since uhuru, when the rulers started giving out the posts of district and regional governors are rewards from the bwana mkubwa.

The premier was apparently referring to reports to of\ alleged massive theft of agricultural worth over 5bn/- shillings in Rukwa Region through the voucher system..

Mr Pinda said timely delivery of inputs under supervision of district
distribution committee, could have catapulted harvests of food and cash crops this season.

Rukwa is among the top four regions leading on the production of food
crops particularly maize in the country. Others are Mbeya, Iringa and
Ruvuma regions.

What beats the rest of us is why don’t our rulers fire those incompetents?. Kick them out? For one, those guys are mere thieves specializing on stealing from the wananchi. They just happen to have found themselves in those positions. Due to either knowing the top honcho or just his buddies.

When our rulers points a warning finger at them and there is no sign of punishment the rest of us wananchi exchange significant looks and wait for our turn to steal and get away with literary anything.

And thus it is going to be when there is crime without any retribution as it presently in Tanzania. At independence regional and district commissioner could at least read and write a report. After we have done wonders to our education system and reading has been made a luxury for the few we are now paying dearly for it.

Mr. Pinda and our rulers should understand that to return to the standards we used to have will be an uphill task and I doubt if that is achievable today or in the near future. But if it’s finger wagging which they are doing then that is quite pleasant and funny. And no one gets hurt!

Today, the change of regional and district commissioner comes after elections. Watch the end of this elections. All the failed politicians in districts and regions. They are going to be dumped in the regions as ‘commissioners’. Which is unfair. You cannot let a bunch of buddies, girlfriends and relatives run the country – eti governors.
This is not a democracy it has gotten to be a dynasty. So when PM Mizengo Pinda sees waster and grabbing going on, he should not blame the rest of us. The rulers should blame themselves

JK’s motorcade succumbs to global warming

Now, it’s not getting funny. This world is full of terrorists everywhere. Last Monday our glorious Prez Jack Mrisho was busy inspecting the environs of Dar es Salaam in his super long, super sleek motorcade of black four-wheeled vehicles.

Suddenly his car stalled around Mavurunza in Kinondoni District, not due to the muddy roads he was inspecting, but because it had developed flat tire, the driver explained.

The prez, a former Col Jack Kikwete, a trained soldier, smartly changed vehicles and went into another super sleek, Japanese four-wheel drive to continue with inspecting the muddy roads of Kinondoni District.

But no sooner had Japanese car number two started when it also stalled. This is because the well-trained State House driver could not re-engage the four-wheel drive (WWD) gears to normal.

Other sources at Ikulu said they suspected that the State House transport department had been infiltrated by terrorists. Some sources said that when Tanzania intelligence agents visited the area the evidence had all the hallmarks of Al Qaeda agents. They it showed that they showed ball-bearings and nails attached to the tires.

But the news hounds accompanying the motorcades were not to be outdone: “Madam, are you sure that the car refused to go because it had been brain-washed by terrorists not to take the president on mud inspection of Dar as Salaam? We have sources who swear that the car broke down because of global warming and is aimed at embarrassing the entire Tanzanian government.”

“Could be.” The increasingly irritated presidential spokesperson says.
“Okay. Just to be sure madam. You are saying that the presidential vehicles stalled because of a flat tire, Al Qaeda terrorists in a deadly collusion with agents of global warming carrying ball bearings and nails. Is that it?”

“Look, you people why do you dwell on disaster only? These things are normal. Why do you harp on trivialities? Haven’t you ever seen presidential cars infiltrated by Al Qaeda before? Why don’t you write about developmental things like roads, mud?”

Sources in government say that citizens of the United Republic of Tanzania have jammed State House with e-mails enquiring about the health of their ruler.

Another Ikulu spokesman has hinted that they are going to write to Japan to determine whether there is going to be a random check of presidential vehicles. But generally, though alarmed a bit, the prez is smiling again.

And the totos also rise?

After centuries of cutting of each others’ heads, the quartering of crooks, the Brits have been punishing and just general mayhem in the British Isles. Now those guys have decided to be more humane in their meting out punishment. Their last elections in which former prime minister Gordon David Brown lost to the liberal-dems and Conservatives coalition between David Cameron and David Clegg went on as smooth as fish and chips.

Not for the rest of us – especially the emerging democracies of the world. Electoral campaigning has been reduced to trading insults. I remember that enemy propaganda to opposition parties in Tanzania and most of Africa have been churning out silly stuff. Their favourite slime calling Mbatia gay. Now the head of CCJ is also being smeared as gay.

As if one’s sexual preferences matter to the rest o us. We hear a lot of hookers, hustlers and plain changudowas gallivanting in the corridors of all parties. Unless you are suffering from abysmal ignorance or are plain dumb you will never fail to notice them. Men will happily pimp their way up to gain a party post.

And now a new crop is coming out – sons and daughters. They also want to be in the fray. Not because for something just and noble. It’s the millions of unaccounted for, mostly filthy lucre in the ruling party which quickens their blood.

Their tactics are the same – one has been caught lying about his age and I am sure there are many more. Most have also lied about their educational background. Most political types abhor academic qualifications. Believe me to them it’s very profitable to be quick and fast with your mouth with than with your brain.

I hope our parties are taking into consideration some good looks too. Voters all over the world have decided that they don’t wan’t ogres and old men and women to cover their newsstands and TV. Look at Obama, in the US, David Cameron and Clegg in Britain. They want fresh faced youngish men – like me, for example. Even in Britain – after loosing through Gordon Brown the Labour Party is thinking of anointing much younger blood in the form of one of the Milliband brothers.
I hope that our parties, which are mostly full of political dinosaurs will appoint decent looking youngish totos, not necessarily sons and daughters of the stone age politicians. Never mind what is between their ears!